Everyday Life · · 5 min read
The Discomfort Often Arrived Before the Moment Did
Over the past week, I have been trying something a little different.
Instead of waiting for a useful observation to appear during an ordinary day, I have been deliberately stepping into situations that I know may bring thoughts and feelings to the surface.
Nothing extreme.
Filming myself while walking through a busy shopping centre.
Approaching a builder at a worksite to introduce myself and discuss what I do.
Speaking into my phone in public while people are walking past.
Small things, perhaps.
But they were enough to create a very real reaction inside me.
Before I started filming in the shopping centre, the self-conscious thoughts were already arriving.
People will be watching.
You are going to look ridiculous.
Someone might say something.
You will not know what to say.
The feeling appeared before anything had actually happened.
There was tension in my body. An urge to delay. A temptation to walk around for another minute and wait until the area was quieter.
It was interesting to notice that the imagined experience was creating more discomfort than the actual experience.
Because once I started walking and filming, it quickly became much less important.
People continued with their day.
Nobody stopped me.
Nobody confronted me.
Nobody seemed particularly concerned about what I was doing.
The situation my mind had been preparing me for never really arrived.
A similar thing happened when I decided to approach a builder.
I had been putting it off for a long time.
Every time I thought about walking onto a site and introducing myself, my mind produced another reason to leave it for later.
They might be busy.
They might not be interested.
It could feel awkward.
I should prepare what I am going to say first.
Maybe another day would be better.
Again, the thoughts sounded reasonable.
But underneath them was discomfort.
I could feel the hesitation and the pull to avoid the situation.
This time, instead of waiting for the discomfort to disappear, I noticed it.
I noticed the thoughts.
I noticed how they felt in my body.
I noticed the mind trying to turn that feeling into another delay.
Then I walked over.
The builder was not actually there, so the conversation I had imagined never happened.
But something important still did.
I took the step.
The outcome was not the entire point.
The practice was in seeing what appeared inside me and not automatically allowing it to decide what I did next.
That has probably been the biggest observation for me this week.
So much of what stops us can happen before the real moment even begins.
We react to an imagined conversation.
An imagined judgement.
An imagined embarrassment.
An imagined failure.
The body can respond as though it is already happening, and then the mind uses that reaction as evidence that we should avoid it.
"This feels uncomfortable, so perhaps I should not do it."
But discomfort does not always mean stop.
Sometimes it simply means that a thought and feeling have appeared around something unfamiliar.
The aim is not to force myself into every uncomfortable situation.
It is not about proving that I am fearless or trying to overpower what I feel.
It is about becoming curious enough to notice what is actually happening.
What am I feeling?
What thoughts are appearing?
What are they encouraging me to do?
And do I want them to automatically choose my direction?
I have also noticed that this practice does not always look perfect.
During another video in a supermarket, I became self-conscious when people were nearby.
I lost my words and stopped filming.
For a moment, I was completely caught by it.
But noticing does not only count when I catch everything immediately.
I noticed what had happened afterwards.
I saw the moment I became hooked.
And instead of turning it into another reason to criticise myself, I filmed again and shared that part too.
That may be a more honest picture of the practice.
Sometimes I notice before the reaction.
Sometimes I notice while it is happening.
Sometimes I only notice after I have already followed it.
But every time it is noticed, I understand the pattern a little more clearly.
The thought appears.
The feeling follows.
The urge encourages avoidance, delay or retreat.
Then there is a moment where I may be able to see it.
That moment does not guarantee confidence.
It does not remove every uncomfortable feeling.
But it creates enough space for another possibility.
I can still walk forward while feeling self-conscious.
I can still approach someone while my mind is predicting rejection.
I can still begin before I feel completely ready.
And sometimes, after taking the step, I discover that the situation itself was nowhere near as difficult as the experience my mind created beforehand.
The discomfort often arrived before the moment did.
Noticing helped me see the difference.
Notice it… don't feed it.